Blog #2: Choices

 

Adeline was born into a wealthy family but was in an especially vulnerable position because her mother died just days after she was born. At such a difficult time in Adeline's life, one would assume that Adeline’s family would have supportive and compassionate to her, instead her older siblings blamed her for the loss of their mother.  Having to endure such malice from her siblings, Adeline was treated as if she personally killed her own mother.  Therefore, she was viewed as an outcast and a loner among her family, even called despicable names since her siblings believed she was not even worthy of being called by her own name.  Furthermore, Adeline’s great accomplishments often went unnoticed by her family.  Even though she won a metal for leading her class in school, none of her siblings congratulated her, instead most of them showed contempt.  Adeline describes a scene in her book where she and her family take their place at the dinner table where her Second Brother takes her arm under the table and twists it painfully.  When Adeline asks why he did such a thing, he replied, “Because I feel like it!  That’s why, you ugly little squirt!  This will teach you to show off your metal”.  Acknowledgement of Adeline’s accomplishments happened so rarely that she was surprised when her own father noticed the metal and commended her.  One can imagine how difficult of an environment this would make for a young child to grow up in.  Feelings of sadness, neglect and loneness were all too common for Adeline.  However, there was yet some hope for Adeline, as she did have some constructive and positive support not only from her Aunt Baba, but also from her school.  In chapter 2 in Help Your Child to Thrive, confidence is described as being a quality that develops over time and is refined by successfully facing challenges and developing useful skills (Brouillette, pg. 26).  As a young child growing up, Adeline was shunned from her family and lived in a separate room in the home with her Aunt Baba.  This arrangement turned out to be the best environment for Adeline.  While her family remained standoffish from her, Adeline and her Aunt Baba had their own world together, where Adeline received love, support and confidence.  In chapter one of Chinese Cinderella, Adeline came home with her new metal from school and her Aunt Baba was the first to congratulate her.  Aunt Baba called Adeline her “precious little treasure”, and placed the certificate to the metal in a special box as if it were a jewel.  How special this must have made Adeline feel.  It gave her the confidence to combat the cruel blows and remarks from her siblings.  Brouillette stated that celebrating small successes is part of building a child’s confidence, and this is exactly what Aunt Baba did for Adeline, which in turn helped her to avoid feelings of hopelessness and instead made her feel confident and positive (Pg. 27).  Adeline's school also provided her with positive feedback.  Her school mates in comparison to being around her family brought joy to her life.  Adeline states in her book “I loved everything about my school, all the other little girls dressed in identical starched white uniforms just like mine.  My classmates made me feel as if I “belonged.” Unlike my siblings, nobody looked down on me” (Pg. 13).  And even though her siblings refused to take notice of her metal she goes on to say, “my teachers and schoolmates seemed to be happy for me.  I loved my school more and more” (page 15).  Brouillette mentions in her book that another aspect of confidence is providing warmth and support without intruding on the child’s process of self-discovery along with making the child feel part of the “family team” (Pg. 27).  Adeline’s school serves as a substitute for her family in providing her with warmth, recognition and support from her class mates and teacher.  She was also able to feel as if she belonged at school.  School provided her a place to feel as if she was part of team rather than focusing on the negative situation at home.  Overall Adeline’s school and Aunt Baba were able to provide her with positive reinforcements to combat the negative in her life, saving her from the feelings of negativity and hopelessness.